I always feel so icky whenever I'm on any social media and it's non-stop ads and "influencers" talking about mental health and childhood trauma and "healing your inner child" and whatever the fuck. I was never able to convey why it seems so wrong to me. This is an incredible article, you should be proud.
Loved this! Recently had a polisci class on authoritarianism in which my professor mentioned that people who feel out of touch with society or that they have suffered tremendously in it subject themselves to someone or something that reassured them of their worries. When you compared Dr. LePera to swifties this class instantly came to mind. I think it’s boggling that even in our escapism we adhere to a norm. Great read! Thank you for sharing
“Dr. LePera’s group of “self-healers” are no different from Swifties; they’re fucking stans, a group of consumers easily manipulated because of the emotional relationship they have to the person-as-brand. At least Taylor gave us a few good songs to cathartically cry to before shoving her red scarf down our throats.“
I find this an interesting comparison. Do these self healers gather in droves in stadiums, clubs, coffee shops, cinemas, in the streets, and swap handmade friendship bracelets while they sing and scream to music with lyrical content about doing exactly that? Music about big and ugly and messy and inconvenient emotions, about pain and pleasure and loss and love and fun and childhood and family. Music that itself is a shameless and public expression of the full range of human emotions and experiences? Somehow I doubt it.
I also think it’s interesting that you think these Swifties, that you view with such derision, must be mindless consumers driven by a parasocial relationship with a person-as-brand, rather than a vast and non-monolithic group of mostly women of all ages who have connected deeply to art made by another woman about their universally relatable emotions and the inner world of a girl and then woman (not usually a topic of any respect or value), and connected with each other over a shared interest. I suppose I’m curious as to why you feel this way.
“Please picture me
In the weeds
Before I learned civility
I used to scream ferociously
Any time I wanted”
Swift’s own lyrics came to mind while I was reading and enjoying this piece. The obligatory Swift jab soured it, though. Is it only men who are artists whose work can inspire and connect fans? Can women only be brands, with consumerist stans? Or is this only true for Taylor Swift? Also I would love to know why the scarf irks you so.
i’m actually a fan of taylor swift, so much so that she was my top listened to artist on spotify last year. but yes, i do have critiques of stan culture and consumerism re: the music industry and big pop acts like her. i think you can like an artist and appreciate their artistic output and still criticize the way they do business. i also don’t think it’s blatantly sexist to critique women, in fact i think it’s more sexist to consider women blameless angels no matter what they do.
at the time i wrote this, taylor swift was pumping out merchandise for her red re-release, and i had complex feelings about the brand that is taylor swift and the way her fans engage with that brand. it already feels so dated, but that was the meaning of the scarf reference.
that being said, you’re right that i probably could have done a better job extrapolating on that idea rather than throwing in a random sentence or two that gestures toward my more complex feelings about these themes—that line bothers me in retrospect because it’s weak writing.
I don’t think it was weak writing at all, I think it was apt and this Swiftie zealot (like I’m sorry, but that deranged wall of text did nothing but drive your original point home) made you feel bad about a very clever analogy.
I just read an article this morning about people victimizing and martyring women who do more harm than good, and Taylor was used as an example, so this is all too fresh in my mind. her brand is one of the things that I think is wrong in today’s society, but if you wrap something up in a nice enough package it’s enough for people to turn a blind eye to any wrongdoing that person, entity, company, etc. could possibly do.
there are so many women artists that don’t see their own fans as walking money bags, what are you on about? it has to be men vs women instead of exploitative capitalists vs people who actually make music for artistic expression?
O my god yes. I’m a therapist and this is exactly how I feel about mainstream practice. AND the expectation so many therapy participants come in with. the idea that we will spend our time learning to better bottle up the screams and disappear them, instead of removing the obstacles to LET THOSE SCREAMS OUT!!!
Fantastic article! I stumble upon self-help and 'adultenment' (is that the word? gosh I am so out of the loop) content every now and then but there's something that doesn't sit right. I wonder if it's that lack of actual context that's missing. we don't exist alone! or the fact that short videos best enjoyed multitasking and in large quantity don't really give us the opportunity to think about them, go deeper, learn more, ask ourselves questions... Do people take notes while watching tiktaks?
such a good read, Le Pera just makes me think of cunning marketing. If you can convince an entire generation that they have trauma which CAN be healed, and that it is a moral good to try and heal it - you got yourself the biggest cash cow. Really validating to read, thank you
I've been a little scared to go to therapy, honestly. I want to work on a small list of specific things before I have kids, but I'm a little scared I'll go in and they'll try and tell me to dredge up and form an identity around everything I've ever moved on from.
Plus, everyone in my life who encourages it has been of the type who makes everything about trauma. Aren't we allowed to just have bad experiences anymore?
So much here that is resonant; it reminded me of a recent trip to the beach, the sun was setting, the waves were rolling in and catching the same light that the sand was glistening with, one of my best friends briefly announced she was going to scream before she did so, very suddenly, but it didn’t unsettle the calm, her scream was assumed by the sea and there was something so restorative about it, very human and very right
Excellent article. I'm really starting to hate this trend of this wholly individualistic approach when it comes to self help and this element of self restraint.
Hello from 2025. Commenting to say what a green flag it was when my therapist told me she deleted all of her socials. :) she hates TikTok therapy w a passion lol
This made me think about how once you’ve interacted with a few TikToks of people venting/seeking advice about some traumatic event you become bombarded with hundreds more, and it starts to feel like you’ve also experienced these events and thus keep scrolling to numb whatever emotions arise as a result.
I always feel so icky whenever I'm on any social media and it's non-stop ads and "influencers" talking about mental health and childhood trauma and "healing your inner child" and whatever the fuck. I was never able to convey why it seems so wrong to me. This is an incredible article, you should be proud.
Loved this! Recently had a polisci class on authoritarianism in which my professor mentioned that people who feel out of touch with society or that they have suffered tremendously in it subject themselves to someone or something that reassured them of their worries. When you compared Dr. LePera to swifties this class instantly came to mind. I think it’s boggling that even in our escapism we adhere to a norm. Great read! Thank you for sharing
“Dr. LePera’s group of “self-healers” are no different from Swifties; they’re fucking stans, a group of consumers easily manipulated because of the emotional relationship they have to the person-as-brand. At least Taylor gave us a few good songs to cathartically cry to before shoving her red scarf down our throats.“
I find this an interesting comparison. Do these self healers gather in droves in stadiums, clubs, coffee shops, cinemas, in the streets, and swap handmade friendship bracelets while they sing and scream to music with lyrical content about doing exactly that? Music about big and ugly and messy and inconvenient emotions, about pain and pleasure and loss and love and fun and childhood and family. Music that itself is a shameless and public expression of the full range of human emotions and experiences? Somehow I doubt it.
I also think it’s interesting that you think these Swifties, that you view with such derision, must be mindless consumers driven by a parasocial relationship with a person-as-brand, rather than a vast and non-monolithic group of mostly women of all ages who have connected deeply to art made by another woman about their universally relatable emotions and the inner world of a girl and then woman (not usually a topic of any respect or value), and connected with each other over a shared interest. I suppose I’m curious as to why you feel this way.
“Please picture me
In the weeds
Before I learned civility
I used to scream ferociously
Any time I wanted”
Swift’s own lyrics came to mind while I was reading and enjoying this piece. The obligatory Swift jab soured it, though. Is it only men who are artists whose work can inspire and connect fans? Can women only be brands, with consumerist stans? Or is this only true for Taylor Swift? Also I would love to know why the scarf irks you so.
i’m actually a fan of taylor swift, so much so that she was my top listened to artist on spotify last year. but yes, i do have critiques of stan culture and consumerism re: the music industry and big pop acts like her. i think you can like an artist and appreciate their artistic output and still criticize the way they do business. i also don’t think it’s blatantly sexist to critique women, in fact i think it’s more sexist to consider women blameless angels no matter what they do.
at the time i wrote this, taylor swift was pumping out merchandise for her red re-release, and i had complex feelings about the brand that is taylor swift and the way her fans engage with that brand. it already feels so dated, but that was the meaning of the scarf reference.
that being said, you’re right that i probably could have done a better job extrapolating on that idea rather than throwing in a random sentence or two that gestures toward my more complex feelings about these themes—that line bothers me in retrospect because it’s weak writing.
I don’t think it was weak writing at all, I think it was apt and this Swiftie zealot (like I’m sorry, but that deranged wall of text did nothing but drive your original point home) made you feel bad about a very clever analogy.
I just read an article this morning about people victimizing and martyring women who do more harm than good, and Taylor was used as an example, so this is all too fresh in my mind. her brand is one of the things that I think is wrong in today’s society, but if you wrap something up in a nice enough package it’s enough for people to turn a blind eye to any wrongdoing that person, entity, company, etc. could possibly do.
there are so many women artists that don’t see their own fans as walking money bags, what are you on about? it has to be men vs women instead of exploitative capitalists vs people who actually make music for artistic expression?
Amazing piece, think I will scream today!
Suuuper interesting and thought-provoking, thank you very much for sharing it!
O my god yes. I’m a therapist and this is exactly how I feel about mainstream practice. AND the expectation so many therapy participants come in with. the idea that we will spend our time learning to better bottle up the screams and disappear them, instead of removing the obstacles to LET THOSE SCREAMS OUT!!!
Fantastic article! I stumble upon self-help and 'adultenment' (is that the word? gosh I am so out of the loop) content every now and then but there's something that doesn't sit right. I wonder if it's that lack of actual context that's missing. we don't exist alone! or the fact that short videos best enjoyed multitasking and in large quantity don't really give us the opportunity to think about them, go deeper, learn more, ask ourselves questions... Do people take notes while watching tiktaks?
such a good read, Le Pera just makes me think of cunning marketing. If you can convince an entire generation that they have trauma which CAN be healed, and that it is a moral good to try and heal it - you got yourself the biggest cash cow. Really validating to read, thank you
Incredible writing!
I've been a little scared to go to therapy, honestly. I want to work on a small list of specific things before I have kids, but I'm a little scared I'll go in and they'll try and tell me to dredge up and form an identity around everything I've ever moved on from.
Plus, everyone in my life who encourages it has been of the type who makes everything about trauma. Aren't we allowed to just have bad experiences anymore?
So much here that is resonant; it reminded me of a recent trip to the beach, the sun was setting, the waves were rolling in and catching the same light that the sand was glistening with, one of my best friends briefly announced she was going to scream before she did so, very suddenly, but it didn’t unsettle the calm, her scream was assumed by the sea and there was something so restorative about it, very human and very right
Excellent article. I'm really starting to hate this trend of this wholly individualistic approach when it comes to self help and this element of self restraint.
Hello from 2025. Commenting to say what a green flag it was when my therapist told me she deleted all of her socials. :) she hates TikTok therapy w a passion lol
This made me think about how once you’ve interacted with a few TikToks of people venting/seeking advice about some traumatic event you become bombarded with hundreds more, and it starts to feel like you’ve also experienced these events and thus keep scrolling to numb whatever emotions arise as a result.
This is such a great essay
This was so well written and well thought out, I loved it <3
absolutely brilliant. thank you 🦋