the soft animal of my body would like a word with you

against situationships

The first night we met he slept in my bed, and this set in motion a number of animal impulses I had no way of rationally coping with. Saying it aloud to people, I’m ashamed by how profoundly I was affected by such a common experience, and still a deeper part of me is aware of the animalness of it, how natural it is to form an attachment to someone in that setting, and how we are taught to believe otherwise, that all feelings should arise according to collectively agreed-upon timelines, and serve a rational purpose.

I woke up next to him and felt far more than rational society would deem appropriate or reasonable and I believe he did too. He seemed agitated, and bolted, later admitting he was surprised by how quickly he had stayed over. Well, I was surprised, agitated, and ready to bolt too, but everything I already felt for him prevented me from doing so. We coped with the immediacy of our feelings for each other in opposing ways, and this created a tension that defined the rest of our time together. He wanted to pretend it meant nothing, and I couldn’t.